2008-09-05T18:27:28Z http://blog.finalword.org/atom.aspx Quick Blog tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-09-04:bc97e752-8ac9-47f0-9913-99e38fbbe0d7 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-09-04T20:04:20Z 2008-09-04T19:37:00Z
how do i change with it?  i'm hardly perfect.  i have some horrible habits.  i want to work harder, i want to write more.  i also have diabetes, and frankly, it hasn't been that great lately.  diabetes is the scariest thing i've ever dealt with for many reasons, but especially because it's like time released.  if its not controlled now, that might mean that later on i face more serious diseases.  maybe i can't have children.  maybe...

maybe, while we're changing everything--location, presidents, jobs, houses--maybe it's time for some change for myself.  maybe, for once, i can let the believe ring work for my health and not just my work. 

with the writing, i accept no defeat.  i work doggedly, tirelessly, continuing on and on.  believing.  having faith. 

maybe--funny word, that maybe--it's time for me to extend the same courtesy to myself.
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-09-02:7dacf8c0-8c91-499e-9f02-cc8a3a0d0e8d AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-09-02T23:06:54Z 2008-09-02T22:55:00Z
i'm moving, big yay.  we all know, let's move on.  to bigger things...like fiction!

first of all, post world building month and pre-move into the writing grotto (aka my new apartment, makes it sound a little sexier, right?) i want to stop and take stock, a la mitali perkins. and, following an interesting discussion about goals, i'd like to discuss mine. 

first of all, huge huge thank you to eliza wyatt for organizing WBM.  it was awesome! i found some new blogs that i love and i did a lot of great work--not as much work as possible, i'm sure, and the end sort of snuck up on me, but it was much appreciated.  especially since i have a very concrete world for shalia to play around in when i'm done with tarian. 

and, for the record, this worldbuildingontheside idea is a great, great way to build a world without a lot of pressure--in fact, it's a bit of a stress reliever. 

but as for tarian, in the original story, tarian had a brother that was her protector and a very gruff, football player esque guy  (hmm...weird....i have two gruff football player brothers....) and i really miss him.  tarian's character isn't quite playing right, and i only realized tonight when i watched 90210 (which i wasn't super impressed with.  it's obvious where gossip girl is slick...and there's something very early nineties about it still.  and they have the pit.  they should have canned the pit.) 

mostly because tarian lost the two platonic boys she originally had--a brother and a friend--and i tried to keep one up, but he dropped out for part of the story. my options are as follows:

write in a brother and change the plot considerably (which would get very old school tarian, which i kind of like the sound of)
somehow force the friend into the gaps of the plot (which is decidedly less work).

it's strange, but this time around, twelve chapters deep doesn't sound like a lot to go back and make major edits over. 

is that progress?


]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-09-02:ef31752d-efb7-49d4-bb90-8f8346cbed98 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-09-02T13:33:32Z 2008-09-02T13:27:00Z
but, it works out, because ehow pays per month and issues payments based on figures at the end of the month. 

my current total:  30.19

my august payment issue: 29.19

so, i didn't quite make thirty dollars in my first paying month, but i made damn close. 

i also made $75.00 from demand studios, and i have five outstanding articles with them (as in, not paid, not, i'm so awesome), which will carry me through this week.  I don't think i'll be writing any new material for them this week; i simply can't be bothered.  we'll see how long into the stress of this week that lasts....



]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-09-01:20ba14f4-cc48-4b6e-9021-27d70e4af2a0 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-09-01T10:37:46Z 2008-09-01T10:29:00Z
and it's september.  the start of a new month, a new school year for some, the start of the fall.  my favorite season!  and this year its so much more.  this year september is the first month of the rest of my life. 

and for isolde, too--she's quitting her job in scant few days, and from there she embarks on an attempt to be happy and fulfilled, and man do i get that.  it's so thrilling!

and for slackademic, he'll return to scotland to start his PhD (although he doesn't actually start until Oct). 

anyone else making September their month of new beginnings? 

who knows where i'll be at the end of september....hopefully with a job and a social life, and hell, let's throw in a completed novel.  maybe not.  i'm aiming for end of oct to finish tarian by, though.  i'm roughly halfway through now. 

really though, what an exciting time to be alive!

kiss kiss.
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-31:65ca5ed7-844a-432c-9fab-f5fabe6f7528 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-31T21:43:47Z 2008-08-31T21:12:00Z
i get a nervous little thrill everytime i think about it.  will everything pack ok?  will i have enough money?  will i find a job?

will i be able to leave feeling like i haven't abandoned my family?  because that's the toughest part right now.   a huge part of me is so glad that this whole medical issue is being resolved now, with enough time to let me do what i have to--and truly, truly want to--do here, but part of me still doesn't think it's enough. 

it's hard to think that the direction of your dreams would take you away from your roots.  it's strange to remember that when we soar, we not only attain new heights, but we leave something behind. 

it's not that simple--it never is.  it's not a severance, a break in the chain.  the chain becomes strained, the links drawing apart, on the brink.  the last thing you want is the chain to break--but you also want to push it to the limit. 

because i want to have both.  i'll make it work. i have to make it work.

but don't expect me not to cry on the plane.

kiss kiss.
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-30:45d4497a-7dbb-4467-bb33-d15a46133a76 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-30T19:37:41Z 2008-08-30T19:14:00Z
i'm sorry for breaking all the promises
i wasn't around to keep.

do you even know how much that applies to my life right now?  i feel a little ridiculous relating to teenage boys this much, but hey.

and at the hospital, i've been reading brunonia barry's debut novel, the lace reader.  un. be. lievable.  seriously.  check this book out.  it's not what i usually read, but i heard such good reviews, and it's got this strange sense of natural magic to it that really drew me--the idea of magic in everyday life, and moreover, in salem, which isn't far. 

but the storyline, as told by a self admittedly unreliable narrator, is mind blowing.  it's beautiful and heartbreaking and a little bit out of focus--there's something about it that you can quite concentrate on, or you'll loose the whole thing entirely. 

it also is the most committed example of truth vs imagery vs reality that i've ever seen.  as a lawyers daughter, i've always been fascinated by the way you can twist truth--not just so it appears different, but so that you really believe it.  you can convince YOURSELF, not just your audience.  so many people do without realizing it.  your reality shifts.  truth is transient. 

truth fractures like broken glass.  everyone's looking at the same image, but like a spiderwebbed, broken mirror, you all see a different reflection.  real.  but shifting.  i wonder, so often, more than is productive, how much broken glass i'm looking through.  things that i don't understand; their edges don't add up.  am i the broken glass?  is someone else?  are we all a different slice of a fractured frame?

it's a huge issue for me.  you'll find traces of it in most of my novels, but it's big in tarian.  BIG.  but i still don't commit to it like barry does. 

another boundary for another day, perhaps. 

kiss kiss
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-30:a7761460-884b-4f14-a278-d0ed212801b9 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-30T10:29:29Z 2008-08-30T10:23:00Z cellphones.org, so check em out!

and, if you're bored while i'm taking a few hours off, and you're missing me terribly, check out my links over at my other blog!!

i'll post later on tonight. 

kiss kiss!
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-29:a5e2594b-63dc-4fab-b480-e1a73b4e6808 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-29T21:50:37Z 2008-08-29T20:34:00Z
if you can't do it, someone else will.

the thing about life?

sometimes sickness (read, wild and unabashed vomiting) knocks you off your feet and you can't move for two days, let alone work. 

the tough part is, first of all, terrible timing.  because not only did this prevent me from doing work for the client i have a fledgling relationship with, but it also prevented me from rigorously applying to the usual fifteen jobs i apply for daily, thus ensuring future work.  it was also terrible timing following the natural (but still brutal, because it happened at both jobs at once) downcycle i had in my work influx. 

thankfully, my new client was pretty understanding, and the demand studios is pretty much as i like it, so that didn't really hurt me this week.  all in all, i escaped pretty much unscathed. 

but i'll admit, i was pretty stressed thinking maybe i'd come out of this having lost a job to another writer.  or lost more potential jobs to other writers. 

and now, despite the ongoing medical drama in a family member's life that's requiring me to be a hospital several hours a day, i'm more than eager to make up the slack. 

but man, i'm already tired.  :-\
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-28:d157bcdb-49ce-4f14-a8e1-94d7e04b9de4 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-28T21:25:48Z 2008-08-28T21:23:00Z
kiss(germy)kiss.


]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-26:ccc8b914-d58f-4cce-b278-627943088dee AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-26T22:52:06Z 2008-08-26T22:50:00Z
i love wordpress, i really do. 

so check it out:  acgaughen.wordpress.com

go forth and love it.

kisskiss.
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-26:e1213f4b-65e3-47e0-8e7c-43260e8aba7b AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-26T21:52:21Z 2008-08-26T21:48:00Z
i don't like the little ads at the top of my blog.

i don't like that i can't have a wordpress blog on here.

and i kind of want acgaughen.com  .  call me crazy, but i think it's good branding. 

so do i switch hosts?  does anyone know if my content will come with me if i do that?

and i think i might buy acgaughen.com.  why the hell not?

oh right...i'm poor....
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-26:17adf5e6-28a0-4a0f-a920-c07b5e900e7e AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-26T17:06:08Z 2008-08-26T17:00:00Z cellphones.org as their blogger, right now i'm doing some work on service providers, so check it out and support me!  it's a start up site so it needs lots of trafficky love!! 

meanwhile, i'm up to over $26.00 dollars on eHow this month---which, by the way, have you checked out my work lately?  because you know i'm not above shameless self promotion...and maybe, if you just love me enough, i can get over thirty bucks this month!

and of course there is demand studios;  i haven't had much to write for them as a lot of work is still getting processed, but hopefully that will mean big bucks this week. 

...or i'll just wait longer.

and i haven't had anything from vertical this week.  note for future writing, i've been meaning to sit down and write some more for chicken soup; obviously i'll let you know if i do! 

kiss kiss
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-25:cb17c9b7-0448-48b6-ae9d-649e34772dd4 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-25T22:48:29Z 2008-08-25T11:52:00Z
slackademia's adventures in rich camp counseling

nils at are you a god? creating his own language

alex moore's favorite fantasy movie discush,

and the wakai writer heads back to school and to his writing.  best of luck, can wait to read about it!

oh, and i can't forget meg cabot.  how obsessed am i? totally. 

and isolde submitted her resignation and is counting down the days to her dream, so let's all support that!!


]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-25:ed9bcc12-c97a-4133-bdff-5ed5adab8115 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-25T11:52:04Z 2008-08-25T11:34:00Z
as some of you will remember, i won entry into the final round of the bookhabit competition on a wild wing and a prayer.  and the next morning, i did what i do whenever i celebrate a really big victory in writing.  when i first got published in chicken soup (my first paycheck as an author) i bought myself a pair of pearl earrings at a craft fair in salem mass, from Polly at The Queen of Fun Jewelry.  When I finished the first draft of my first real novel, I bought a matching necklace (that she custom made for me, love you Polly!)

and when that great reversal of fortune happened, taking me from the low to the top, I asked her to make me a ring that was a twist on one of her other designs.  Just a plain silver band with 'believe' stamped on the outside. 

belief is a big part of life as a writer.  since i got the ring i haven't taken it off, and i look at it almost everyday to remind myself to have faith.  that's what it's all about. 

monday morning is here, and i still don't have work to do, in either of my areas of expertise.  i have a bite in the works, but no real work yet.  but i do, however, have faith.  i have my belief. 

and it will come through for me.  or, really, i'll just keep working, keep applying, keep querying, until it does. 

my life has had its share of troubles, and now i've found a place to go
i've said goodbye to all my troubles, cuz now i've found my place to go.

what i'm gonna live for, what i'm gonna die for...
who you gonna fight for?

i can't answer that.
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-24:fc9968ab-800f-4f5e-acb1-906425ce8760 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-24T21:54:17Z 2008-08-24T21:49:00Z
www.blogher.com is a women's blogging site, designed to support and promote female bloggers. 

i mean, i know that the blogging/freelancing community is pretty tight knit and pretty awesome, to be fair, but i'm really impressed by their initiative.  in my career, through two all girls schools, i've found that all too often, the ones sabotaging women are other women.  they are the ones back stabbing, tearing each other down, and being harsh and overly critical, when we should be supporting each other. 

so huzzah to blogher!!  and i'm up to $24.60 on eHow.  go me!

let's hope this week is productive, lucrative, and relatively stress free.

kiss kiss
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-23:87c144f8-68e6-498e-ac9c-bc13f8dd8db4 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-23T14:07:16Z 2008-08-23T14:00:00Z
and it's not working.  the internet in panera wasn't working, which turns out is a big distraction, because i get a little itchy if i can't check my email.  so i transferred over to whole foods, which is a little weird--it's totally empty in their seating area, so it's actually a little awkward.  and there are no plugs, which sucks. 

and i'm having trouble sliding into the groove.  now i'm not sure if this is more a result of perhaps not quite feeling the story line, or perhaps just being out of the habit of writing for extended periods, or perhaps of the headache that's been brewing in my head all day.  (gag).  which is also making some funny colors come in and out of my peripherals, which is really odd, because i've never had auras before. 

so what to do?  well i'll try and slog through it...i've written a solid 2000 words today already, but i wanted about six.  I wanted to be done with ch 12 and it looks like i'll barely finish 11. 

oh well, we do what we can, right?  i can't wait to get into my scottish schedule...


]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-22:70a5c8d8-110d-4b6d-a6e6-29ff172370fd AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-22T17:37:32Z 2008-08-22T17:34:00Z
the problem with writing about the rich, and researching their ridiculous possessions, is that damn that stuff looks shiny. 

if i ever have $20,000.00 dollars in disposable income--meaning i've bought both my parents retirement homes, financed college for whatever fictional children need it, and funded a cure for childhood diabetes--i'm buying myself a cartier ring. 

heck yes.
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-22:d55a2869-56c0-4a59-8ef3-bedb00b962c4 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-22T15:43:44Z 2008-08-22T15:38:00Z
i have, however, been working.  shalia's world is taking on real life in my mind, which, in my opinion, is a bit of a triumph of multitasking while i write a modern boarding school murder mystery novel.  that has nothing to do with fantasy.  and shalia is going to be high--highest fantasy.  talk about a deviation. 

but actually, the complete disparity is so refreshing.  it's very energizing to switch from one entire mental project to another, to not just shift up or down but change gears completely. 

i like to move.  i'm not a person that can sit idle for long--if my recent frantic posts are any indication.  and having two novels running side by side is actually very soothingly hectic. 

especially because, if i were going to brand my writing, i'd want to it always be some peculiar marriage between magic, imagination and present day context.  and now i'm just playing with what that could possibly mean. 

so bring on the wonder, bring on the sun. 

and yes, i quoted a jonas brothers song for the title.  whatever.

that's just the way i roll.

kiss kiss.
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-21:23a3ea76-b7a4-4799-a3cf-10f36e06e686 AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-21T21:14:59Z 2008-08-21T21:09:00Z
robin hood is another.  and the bbc's robin hood series, well, i just finished watching the season finale, which i was supposed to be saving for the plane ride, but obviously, that didn't work out.  and man, i bawled.  i truly bawled. 

because here's the thing;  historically, the passionate, the brilliant, the geniuses, those who truly care about their endeavors, be it writing, painting, or saving the poor of england, often times they can't have every kind of happiness.  and for robin hood as it was for jane austen, they had to give up love for their work, their morals, their passions.

because you can't have it all, can you? 

i'm terrified that i can't have it all.  even more terrified, perhaps, that, despite the fact that destiny would never grant me the option, if i had the choice i might choose to produce world changing literature over having love. 

but of course, that's a whole lot more complicated than i want to get into on a blog. 
]]> tag:blog.finalword.org,2008-08-21:34e2fb46-673e-4f32-9193-cc5af63aa7fe AC Gaughen acgaughen@gmail.com 2008-08-21T17:37:03Z 2008-08-21T17:30:00Z
it's slow.  it's torturously slow.  my real job is slow, my freelancing job is slow, it seems like life is grinding to a halt before life launches into hyperspeed next week.  I know my work should pick up next week for the legal services, and i'm guessing based on the sheer statistics of the number of jobs i've applied for this week i should have some extra work going next week. 

and my brother's going back to school, and there is some family medical drama in the works. 

and, oh, right, i'm moving to scotland in T minus 19 days. 

oh, and i have a doctors appt next week, crucial, that's going to be a horror show.  i hate doctors.  

my income flow has ground to a halt;  sixty dollars trickled in this week from demand, because they're simply not processing my articles, which means i can't write new ones either.  and i'm almost at $24 on ehow, which, actually, is incredible. 

i can handle a dry spell cash wise.  i can't handle a simultaneous dry spell for work and cash.  really, i can't handle not being stuffed to the gills with work.  i like working until three in the morning.  i like working until my brain is mushy.  i really, really do--it makes me feel like i'm propelling forward motion.  it makes me feel like i'm churning energy, and that energy is about to project forward. 

damn it, it makes me feel useful. 

so come on, gods of work.  i need some more so i can relax.
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