currently i have three careers

1.  legal courier
2.  freelance writer
3.  struggling novelist. 

ranked in order of what makes me the most money, conversely ordered to what gives me the most fulfillment. 

today i had my usual panera writing day, and i got out a chapter i really feel good about—this novel is smoking by.  it's crazy, because i don't have to do any world building, any real deep creation, and my characters are just flowing out.  they're just so present.  and not that i won't have to do rewrites and not that i'm not wary of it, but this novel is so damn easy to write. 

i even feel a little brilliant. 

i know, i know, bite my tongue.  this brilliant feeling never works out well, because it turns out invariably that i'm not, and the universe sees fit to humble me quite exquisitely.  but yeah.  feeling brilliant. 

i'm also feeling broke and socially stagnant.  go figure. 

it's like having to female-end plugs and trying to connect them.  this whole doing what you love thing just does not fit with the whole making money thing.   i had a great writing day, but i made nothing on adsense because i posted nothing on hubpages.  oh what a tangled web i weave...one that requires constant and unilateral effort. 

and i'm feeling lazy.