so, it sounds like i definitely have an apartment.  i'm waiting to exhale for the final, definite, "we have a solid and unbreakable agreement".

but yeah, we're talking exchanging deposits.  so...that's pretty definite right?  i'm a little terrified that its going to fall through.

especially because, if it falls through, that means that scotland is falling through.  not really, obviously i'll keep looking for an apartment and keep trying to make it work, but at one point it feels like magic and at another point it feels like forcing it. 

and i want this to be magic.  i want and i need scotland to be magic right now. 

god that sounds a little pathetic, but i'm a person who believes. and i believe that there is a cycle and a circle and an overturn of fortune, and i just need a little turn in my favor.  i need the change, the pat on the back from the universe that i can keep going, keep living for my passion. 

so i think this is a step in the right direction.  i just hope it's onto solid ground.